Harry Potter Story
by 1000th Ghost
Summary: My brother and I wrote a bizarre Harry Potter story where I would write one sentence, and then he would write a sentence and so on. This is totally random and not meant to be taken seriously!


**Harry Potter Story**

**Bolded: Me**

Not bolded: My brother

**Once upon a time there lived a cupboard under some stairs.**

Its name was George.

**But no one cares.**

Oh, no?

**Yeah…by the way, there was also this kid named Harry who used to sleep in said cupboard under said stairs that said people don't care about.**

He was "magical" and had a section in an edition of "Sky Mall" where they sold random, overpriced collectors items.

**One day he discovered that Snape killed Dumbledore.**

He pointed and laughed hard.

**Ron and Hermione watched in horror.**

But then they joined Harry in laughter.

**Ron had red hair.**

"I love you, Harry," said Ron.

**Hermione slapped him…hard.**

Then they decided to join Voldemort…fried chicken had nothing to do with it…at all.

**Ron was mad at Hermione for slapping him, and Hermione was mad at Ron for not loving her (and not sharing his evil fried chicken).**

So they fought in a huge chicken-induced battle and ended up killing each other.

**Only then some dude (let's call him…Money Man(iac)) cast a spell to bring them back to life because otherwise the story would lack characters.**

Then they all went to Burger King.

**Ron asked Hermione if she wanted to order a ham sandwich.**

Hermione said, "!(#".

**Ron said, "So…is that a yes?"**

"Cheese," she said.

**"No, ham."**

Suddenly, a black hole appeared and sucked them into an alternate dimension.

**Hermione freaked out, so she hugged Ron (as she tends to do during such times).**

"Don't get so cozy, red head," she said.

**"Awe…but I **_**like **_**being cozy…" Ron complained.**

"Let's snog," she said.

**"…O…kay…"**

"I'm so British, when I say "snog" it's sexy," she said.

**"Yeah, but you're even sexier when you actually **_**do **_**snog," Ron said.**

"Let's," she said, and then

(censored)

**(uncensored)**

Mothers across the US covered their children's eyes, but dads took in every bit.

**Then they ("they" meaning Ron and Hermione, not the mothers, children, and dads of the US) went a little farther.**

And, although it was thought impossible, farther.

**And then…just a little bit farther.**

When suddenly, Ron got stuck.

**Yeah…um…his foot got stuck in his shoe…he was mad…yeah…**

He pulled and pulled, but he couldn't get his…foot…out.

**Um…then he decided to…um…try harder?**

Finally he was free, and then

(one year later)

"Waa," cried Ron and Hermione Jr.; Ron looked down at his wife.

**"Let's snog," she said.**

"Let's"; and therefore this scene kept repeating until an army of Rons and Hermiones took over the world in a dictatorship!

**Ron woke up in a cold sweat.**

He heard a scream and looked over and saw Ron Jr. be born.

**Harry walked into the room.**

"Hullo Harry," said Ron.

**"Oh, my gosh!" Harry cried, "What the heck is going on here?!"  
**"I should have told you, but Hermione wasn't just getting real fat."

**"I don't get it."**

"Imbecile."

**"**_**Si**_**…hey, wait! You can't call me an imbecile! I'm Harry Potter! I'm famous and cool! I have fan clubs full of crazy, obsessed girls! I have an anxiety-prone scar! I'm THE BOY WHO LIVED!!"**

"Shut up!" yelled Hermione.

**"Oh, hullo Hermione," Harry said, "Didn't see you there."**

"Well, now you're seeing the whole thing."

**"I'm confused," Harry said, running his hand through his too-long hair, "Are we talking about something that doesn't relate to me and my famousness?"**

"Yes!" cried Ron, Hermione, and (gasp) Ron Jr.?

**"Whoa, is it just me, or did a talking baby just materialize out of the gaping plot hole?"**

"Avada Cadavra!" cried Ron (the killing curse), "Behold, the boy who lived once!"

**"Daddy, how could you?" cried Ron Jr., "He was my favorite over-commercialized idol! You've scarred me for life! You're a horrible father!"**

"Silence!" he cried, "Avada Cadavra!" and he pointed his wand at Hermione and Ron Jr.; yes, he has gone mad.

**Unfortunately, the curse bounced off a hamburger before it hit Ron Jr., therefore transforming Ron Jr. into…Ronald McDonald!**

Ron then consumed a large amount of fries (aka Hermione) and the hamburger, before killing Ron Jr./Ronald McDonald.

**He looked down and noticed that there was just one fry (aka part of Hermione) left.**

So he ate it and then realized he was still in an alternate dimension.

**Up was down, and orange juice cartons flew.**

So he used his wand to teleport out and wreak havoc and such.

**"Hullo Ron," Harry said.**

"Avada Cadavra!" he cried, pointing his wand at the earth, therefore causing the whole planet to explode and killing everyone.

**"Harry! Ron! Hermione!" cried the ghost of Dumbledore, "I was wondering when you'd get here!"**

"Hullo Dumbledore," Harry said, "Guess what? Ron's evil, but he took out Lord Voldemort and all the horcruxes, and now Voldemort's in a very hot place."

**"Ah, how lovely! Let's proclaim Ron supreme ruler of everything, shall we?"**

"But he's evil…and did some…bad…yet interesting…things to Hermione."

**"I'm not complaining!" Hermione called from the back of the room, before someone threw a Snickers bar at her head.**

"Nakey time!" cried Dumbledore and started dancing; suddenly alternate dimension Harry appeared!

**"Joy, nudity. One more reason to rate this meaningless story 'X'," Harry mumbled.**

Then, alternate dimension Harry disappeared.

**No one was concerned about this, as no one remembered who he was in the first place.**

Hermione, conscious again, got up and said, "Let's snog" to…(gasp)…Dumbledore, and then they went farther and farther and you know the rest!!

**Hermione woke up screaming.**

"What's wrong, honey?" said Dumbledore; they were in bed…and…not fully…dressed.

**They were missing their scarves, otherwise they were fully clothed.**

But not for long!

**They soon found their scarves, and Dumbledore got up from where he had been sitting on Hermione's bed in the hospital wing because she had blacked out once she had been hit on the head by the Snickers bar.**

"The snack that smiles back, Goldfish™."

**"Oops…looks like you lost your senses from that bump on your head, Hermione," Dumbledore said, "However, I don't care. Plus, your catchy jingle made me realize that **_**I **_**want some snacks that smile back! It makes me feel special! And also quite worried that inanimate objects are responding to my facial expressions…but that's okay! I'm too hungry to care! Goldfish, away!"**

"Bah bow!" cried Blue.

**"Wrong overrated children's thing!" Madame Pomfrey exclaimed.**

"No," said Ron in a high-pitched voice.

**"Ron! I love you! And learning!" Hermione said.**

"So it would seem," said Snape.

**"Ah, Severus! Wuz up!" Dumbledore exclaimed, before Snape pointed his wand at him, shouted "Avada Cadavra", and blasted him into Blue's mouth, who quickly devoured him.**

"Cheetos!"

**"But Master, you are too weak!" Snape protested, "Cheetos are much too powerful and cheesy a substance for you to handle!"**

And then, the world blew up, and the story as we know it ended!!

**In conclusion, Hermione (who was now mentally unstable) and Ron (who was now an evil mastermind) got married, Dumbledore got digested, Blue got a free meal, Snape got a root canal, Voldemort got Cheetos, Ron Jr. got…nothing, since technically he never existed, and Harry got free tickets to Las Vegas.**

**The End**


End file.
